I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my being single is dangerous.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
