Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
