i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
