Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
