adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
