the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
