she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
How naked do you want me to be?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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