My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
