my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
