Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
