I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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