Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Your penis caused this!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
