What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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