his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
