it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
