Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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