I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
