i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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