I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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