You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
