she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
