he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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