i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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