Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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