so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize