I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Duck Duck Cougar?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
