dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
