god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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