after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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