That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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