First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
