We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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