it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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