Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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