whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
did i just pee glitter
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
