fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize