Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
