happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
