I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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