it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
