I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize