dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm passing your future prison.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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