Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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