remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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