dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
