I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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