is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
