We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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