I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
