Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
