do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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