Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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