It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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