um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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