pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
