Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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