I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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