plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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