Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
