just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
