based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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