I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
