she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
