the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
