When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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