carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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