you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
