i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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