Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
