Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
